This month the unthinkable happened. On the 14th March 2014, the world facepalmed. Now, I don’t mean that every human on earth stopped and slapped their foreheads in unison. Not at all. I’m saying Planet Earth actually facepalmed. The Pacific Ocean literally sprouted an arm and slapped the North Pole clean on the brow. Why? My mum, the woman so technophobic she can barely work an iron, got Facebook.
This can't be a good idea. Aside from reading that your mum has “poked you”, being as bizarre as it would be literally, this is the woman that calls laptops “internets” and who at one point, genuinely thought she’d deleted Google...
Now some of you may think I'm exaggerating, and others may be giving it the whole, “you go girlfriend!” in admiration of her commitment to bringing herself into the 21st Century, so If those naysayers could leave their name and numbers in the comments below, I’ll happily refer the midnight, “where is my timeline? is it private?” or, “why have I been tagged?” style questions. Go get'em!
Her technical know-how was showcased perfectly by her first status update which was rather concise, as you can see below. I think the lack of picture makes it all the more charming...
After accepting her friend request I wondered what incriminating pictures and posts she’d find during the inevitable (and obligatory) Facebook stalking. Mum has a knack of jumping to conclusions and it didn't take her long to blow something out of proportion. After sharing the YMCA picture in the top right, she lovingly stressed her concerns at my “blasphemy”, commented that this post would “get the critics' attention”, and then went on to reminded me that “this kind of thing can start wars.”
Now, I know there have been countless religious wars throughout history, but I think it’s highly unlikely that someone like the bald critic from Master Chef will stumble across my Facebook page and be so outraged by my blasphemy that he éclairs war (see what I did there). Besides, I'm pretty sure the closest he comes to any kind of warfare is an explosion of caramel, softened with a creamy punch of vanilla. Yes, I think we can all sleep safe, confident that there’s much more chance he’d simply laugh hard enough at it to choke on his soufflé… Come on, it is pretty in genius after all!
As flattering as it is to think that someone of great importance would read my Facebook profile (no offence friends), clearly my mum has no concept of how big the internet it, and how insignificant my page is in comparison. Bless her naivety, she'll get there eventually. In fact I'm sure she'll be posting her own neck-nominations in no time, which given here current ill-health, will almost certainly involve a litre of Calpol! Yummy!
In other news, it's PKR Live this weekend, and I'm looking forward to two days of card based drinking games, poker, and guacamole with the usual suspects. It comes at a great time too as I've been working hard on my game and managed to maintain Feburary's momentum. Although I've had a few frustrating final two table finishes in bigger field events, I was lucky enough to win the 'Antes Only', Springfest event on PKR. Even though first prize wasn't huge in comparison to some of my other deep runs (around $1,100), most of the players had no idea how to approach the structure, which made the tournament soft, and great fun. I also wrote another article which should be going up at some point this week. It's hardly revolutionary, but I think it deals with a modern concept and will help a lot of players understand the differences between certain spots.
The highlight of my month was learning a new word. Now, I didn't get, 'subterfuge' or 'assonance' on my word a day toilet paper (though there's often some "asson" it!), and to be honest, it's not even a real word, but I stumbled across it in a convo with my brother and love it nonetheless. I was chatting to my bro on Facebook messenger and after cracking a joke he signed off with,"lolocaust". Now I know the root word has pretty harsh connotations, but it's an amazing pun, and to be honest, there are worse ways to go than death by laughter.
I like to close each month with something lollable so here's an awesome letter:
Gee gee, Danshreddies
